Forgiveness Is a Big Deal

Ephesians 4:32 — “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” *

I used to think forgiveness was just something nice people did—like saying “I’m sorry” or just forgetting the hurt and moving on. But the longer I walk with Jesus, the more I realize forgiveness is way deeper than that. It’s not just about getting over stuff. It’s about showing the world what God is like. It’s hard. It’s painful. But it’s also beautiful and freeing. Forgiveness begins with what God has already done for us.

Why should we forgive? 

Because God forgave us!

Ephesians 4:32 says, “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” That changes everything. God didn’t wait until we had it all together. He sent Jesus while we were still messed up. Look at Romans 5:8: “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus went to the cross to take our punishment so we could be forgiven. He didn’t forget our sins; He took them to the cross in our place and paid for them. That’s the forgiveness we’ve received. And that’s what we’re called to give to others.

This part is hard. Forgiveness isn’t just a nice idea or something we do if we feel like it. Scripture is clear, it’s something we have to do. In Matthew 6:14–15, Jesus said: “If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others... neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” That sounds pretty harsh, but here’s what it means: if we’re not willing to forgive others, have we really grasped how much we’ve been forgiven? This isn’t saying that we can earn God’s forgiveness, because we can’t, but someone who knows they’ve been forgiven wants to give that same grace to others.

If I can be honest, some things are hard to forgive. People can do deep damage to others. Betrayal, abuse, rejection, those things don’t just go away. And God isn’t asking us to ignore that pain. But God doesn’t ask us to forgive in our own strength either. Philippians 2:13 says, “It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” In other words, God gives us the desire and the power to forgive. So, if you’re struggling with forgiving, ask Him. “God, I want to forgive, but I don’t know how. Please help me.” He hears those prayers and is faithful to answer them.

In my journey through this same thing, there’s one thing I wish someone had told me sooner: forgiveness usually hurts. It costs something. Because when you forgive someone, you’re letting go of the right to get even. By forgiving, you’re taking on the pain of the injustice instead of throwing it back at them. That’s why it feels like dying a little. But that’s exactly what Jesus did for us. Paul, in 1^st Peter 2:24 says, “He himself (Jesus) bore our sins in his body on the tree.” He didn’t minimize our sin. He took them and caried them to the cross. So yeah—sometimes forgiveness feels like dying. But with Jesus, death always leads to resurrection. There's new life, freedom, and peace on the other side.

There is something that I think we need to consider as we discuss this. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. Forgiveness is something you can do on your own—it’s between you and God. Reconciliation, on the other hand, requires input from both people. Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” That means we do our part to forgive and seek peace, but we can’t control how others respond. You can forgive someone even if they never say, “I’m sorry.” You can release the bitterness without pretending the relationship is okay.

Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: when I harbor anger from a hurt, it doesn’t affect the other person—it hurts me. Hebrews 12:15 talks about a “root of bitterness” that grows and causes trouble. Bitterness spreads like weeds. It eats away at your joy, your peace, even your health, and it holds you hostage. Forgiveness is how you get out of that prison. It doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It just means you’re trusting God to deal with it, so you don’t have to carry it anymore. 

When we forgive, we show people a glimpse of what God is like. Exodus 34:6–7 says that God is “merciful and gracious... forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.” That’s His heart. When we forgive, we are acting like His children. We’re showing the world that mercy is real, that grace is stronger than pain, and that the Cross is enough. Forgiveness becomes a witness, a picture of what the Gospel really is.

Let’s make it practical. These are some steps that have helped me, and others, walk through real forgiveness. We need to:

• Keep Coming Back to the Cross: Remember how much God has forgiven you. You’ll never have to forgive more than what you’ve already been forgiven.
• Acknowledge the Hurt: Real forgiveness starts with honesty. Bring your hurts to God. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Name it. Move it from the darkness into His light. 
• Pray for the Person: It might feel impossible at first, but start praying for them. Even if all you can say is “God, help them.” Over time, God softens your heart.
• Ask God for Strength: Forgiving isn’t something we can do without Him. Ask for help. God loves to help those who ask.
• Trust God with Justice: Romans 12:19 says, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” God sees everything. You can let go. He’ll handle it.

As I close, let me sum it up this way: forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or pretending something didn’t happen. It’s about choosing to let go of what we want -- the right to get even. But be like Jesus. He let go of His rights for you and me when He took our sins to the Cross. Forgiving is not easy. Most of the time it’s painful. But it is possible. Jesus made it possible. So, if you’re holding onto something today, or buried it like I did, I encourage you: lay it at the Cross. You’re not alone. God will help you. And there’s peace on the other side.

Ephesians 4:32 again: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Let’s choose to live like that. Not because we’re perfect. But because we’ve been perfectly loved by our Father.

Ed Johanson. 

*The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministryof Good News Publishers.